take 2

Who knew one could feel all the negative emotions there are in the world at once?

That is exactly what happened to me over the last two days.

I hadn't realized it till now. Now that all that negative energy has been washed off, I now feel different. I now feel something other than hopelessness and despair mixed with sadness and angst.

I feel the after-effects of exhaustion. That's right. My body is relaxed now that all the life sucking negativity is gone. I am calm.

I am hopeful. Hopeful that things will get better. That mom will get better.

That I will actually ace this @#$%! exam. This stupid exam hangs over my head like a dark cloud. I must do it and get it off my head. I must ace it, for mom.

She called me today to reiterate that I shouldn't walk away from my future, from my life to take care of her. She is such a strong woman, taking those chemotherapeutic drugs in stride with so much bravery. I owe her this one. I owe it to her to ace this exam. She is holding her end of the bargain, let me hold mine.

Dad called today too. He was a lot calmer than he was two days ago. He has hope as well. Now he can accept and join the fight. I never saw him in such turmoil like I did over the last two days. Thank God he is finally accepting the diagnosis and allowing the treatment to begin.